Boundaries are basically rules for how we want to live and expect others to treat us. It is vital to acknowledge your priorities and values when creating boundaries, as boundaries are not a universal concept. Instead, you craft them according to your personal values and beliefs. That’s why; it is pretty much possible if one boundary is preferable by one person but not suitable for the other. But the bottom line is, setting boundaries gives you peace of mind.
What are Personal Boundaries?
Personal boundaries are some limits that we make to identify reasonable and permissible ways for people to behave around us to feel safe. Also, it is about the way we respond when someone tries crossing those boundaries and the resulting actions of their actions that we may attempt to impose. We create those boundaries out of a set of beliefs, conclusions, attitudes, opinions, and past experiences that we may have while dealing with others.
Even when we are not aware of what are personal boundaries, we tend to know how it feels when someone tries crossing the line with us. The time when you feel the need to say no to someone (reasons can be many, maybe you are busy) but they make you feel pressured regarding your relationship with them, or the time when someone tries commenting about your appearance time and again, and instead of sticking up for yourself, you try to laugh it off, these are the times when you feel someone has crossed your boundaries.
Why Is it Necessary to Setting Up Boundaries?
The following image is a simple way to show what healthy and unhealthy boundaries look like.
Personal boundaries are vital to get and stay in healthy relationships. Having these boundaries help to communicate the desires and needs following a clear direction without getting afraid of repercussions. It is also crucial for you to set some limits, so people don’t take advantage of you. It is an important way to practice self-respect and self-care and be peaceful mentally and emotionally.
Here is how setting healthy personal boundaries ensure peace of mind for you:
It Enables Compassion
People who come with clear boundaries have a lot of compassion. They can help others understand what is unacceptable and acceptable for them so they can also fine-tune their life and experience emotional stability.
It Creates Fairness
Boundaries enable us to be fair in everything – everyone is treated the way they would want to be as the line is clearly established. Your expectations are clear, and the other person knows how to communicate with you.
It Alleviates Resentfulness
When we become a doormat for people, we become resentful and stressed. Clear boundaries will help you get rid of these feelings. You will not become angry when someone tries to take advantage of you because you can say no. All you need is to set clear and actionable boundaries and stick to them.
Boundaries Help in Personal Safety
Boundaries help you feel safe. Just like boundaries help keep our children safe, they also keep us safe in mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical terms, reducing the chances of getting hurt.
Boundaries will enable you to get control of your activities, schedule, and your relationship with others. These will not be a magic bullet but an essential tool, allowing you to attain success and better peace of mind.
You will not have to feel guilty about telling no or wanting that you would have done it any different. Sticking to your boundaries will put your mind in a better state of rest and help in easing your self-doubt.
Achieve Better Happiness
When you create boundaries and follow what you believe in, you become happier. For example, if you want a quiet space to work, you can create one and have other people respect that space because it makes you happy
Have a Deeper Sense of Self
To properly taking care of yourself, you need to create a solid and better sense of self. As we start becoming curious regarding who we are as a person, what it is that we want, what brings us joy in life, and what drains our energy on the other end, we start getting clarity about where we need to set our boundaries.
Protect what is Important
What is it that you value in your life? Is it your wellbeing, or is it your inner peace? Whatever be the case, healthy boundaries will be the protective barrier in your life that will enable you to sustain what is precious and important to you.
Get the Right to Choose
Have you noticed that you fall for almost anything when you are unsure where you stand in your life?
When you know your boundaries, you permit yourself to make choices and say no when it is important. Saying no is actually not negative; instead, it is an act of self-love and self-care, especially when you say it in a conscious mind.
Develop Better Confidence
When you create healthy boundaries and choose to take care of yourself, you have a better sense of self-confidence. Setting a healthy boundary is an ultimate act of self-care which helps you feel more empowered in your everyday life.
Don’t Forget; There Are Unhealthy Boundaries.
When we form unhealthy boundaries, we lose our self-respect as we choose to go against our values for pleasing others. When we have no limits, we keep giving, and when we ask for help, we often feel ignored. Enabling others to decide what we want, need or what we are, depicts that we are letting them control us, which are signs that we do not have healthy boundaries.
Another unhealthy boundary is to expect others to make your needs fulfilled. No one is responsible for making you satisfied, just like you have no responsibility to make anyone else satisfied. No one is actually responsible for the way that your life is other than you. If you are thinking differently, you are enabling others to take your power.
So, it is imperative that we set some healthy boundaries.
How to Set Boundaries?
There are three basic parts of setting boundaries.
- Identify your real boundaries. Be quite clear on what you require before you try to enforce or communicate the boundary.
- Communicate your boundaries consistently, calmly, and clearly. Stick real to the facts without blaming, over-explaining, or becoming defensive.
- If the boundaries are not respected, then evaluate all your choices and take action.
What to Do When Boundaries Aren’t Respected?
Setting up boundaries is a process, and there is no quick fix for dealing with some boundary violators. The bottom line is that we cannot make everyone respect our boundaries, but we can control how we respond. However, you can read on for ideas that might help you select the best approach for dealing with some chronic boundary violators.
Making Clear Compromise
Decide which boundary is negotiable as some of the boundaries are more important than others and some people. Identifying what you can accept and what is non-negotiable and intolerable will help you decide if you want to or can compromise. In such a case, compromise will be a good thing when both people make adjustments.
However, real compromise is not about abandoning your needs when you please someone else or accepting treatment you do not like. If anyone repeatedly violates your important boundaries, you need to ask yourself how much you want to accept this treatment. There are people who accept disrespect for years and years, expecting a toxic individual will change only to look back after years of self-neglect and find that person had no intent to respect or change.
This means you cannot compromise for everyone; you should only do that for people who you know are worth it and have the track record to show it.
Also, try practicing detachment as it shifts away from considering trying to control situations and people. When you are in a state of constant fear, it is understandable that you want to control stuff to protect yourself. However, trying to control people will never work. When we practice detachment, we stop trying to alter others’ behaviors and force the result that we require.
How to Detach Yourself?
You can easily detach from a toxic person through:
- Physically leaving an uncomfortable situation.
- Responding in some kind of different way. For instance, rather than taking something personally, we might shrug off any sort of negative comment. This will change the whole dynamics of the interaction.
- Refusing invitations to spend time with these people.
- Letting them make their decisions for themselves. Let them deal with the results of their choices.
- Choosing not to take part in the old arguments from an unproductive argument or conversation.
- Detaching will not mean that you don’t care, but you are taking care of yourself, and getting realistic regarding what you might do in such a situation.
So, now you know all about how setting boundaries can ensure a better life for you as it ensures mental and emotional stability for you.