A healthy relationship doesn’t drag you down. It inspires you to be better.
There are times when our life hits rock bottom, not because we have let ourselves down, but because we have bonds with people who do not or no longer align with our life. Among these people, abusive people rule at the top of the list. This is because these people are toxic; they hinder your progress in life and play a negative role in your life by making you weak and taking advantage of you.
Such people can be anywhere such as office, friend’s circle or even in the family. It is a close relationship or a distant one; dealing with such people in life affects your mental health, and you cannot become the best version of yourself, especially if it is a close relationship. In that case, it becomes crucial to get rid of abusive people in our life.
But the real question is how to get out of an abusive relationship? Here are some ways you can avoid destructive minds spreading negativity in your life.
1. Don’t Respond To Their Actions.
Toxic and narcissistic people have an inclination towards trapping you into an emotional spiral bypassing confusing statements. You might feel yourself getting agitated and need to clear your stance when they try to manipulate in some proportion.
But it is best not to respond to that statement and understand that no matter what you explain to them, nothing will change their minds and make them think that it is their fault. It is just like talking to a brick wall, so the best way to protect your energy and sanity is to disengage from the conversation and pay no heed to what they have to imply.
2. Keep Track Of Their Abusive Patterns.
Do not stay ignorant of their actions and words. Keep a mental diary and note when they fall into a specific abusive pattern. For example, what do they do after the pattern is over, and how do they attempt to keep you in an emotional bond while still being able to control you.
Remember, toxic people try their best to keep you strangled in their bond so that you find it impossible to escape. They use certain words and actions after the abusive episode is over to make things right again. Therefore, you need to understand this, and for that, keeping a note of all the actions they do will help you successfully escape the trap and move on for the better. By seeing the patterns for what they are, you become capable of rescuing yourself from the abusive relationship instead of getting emotionally manipulated every time.
3. Stay Strong When You Say NO
When you say NO to any argument or an unfavorable request made by them, you protect yourself from the harm they are going to do to you. It can be highly challenging for you to be so straightforward and blatantly say ‘No,’ but it is the only way to escape the abusive bond successfully for good.
They will flare up and try their best in one way or the other to make you feel guilty over saying no, but you don’t need to pay much attention to it. Instead of focusing on the consequences of not doing a certain thing for them, focus on the bigger picture. Understand that it is an attempt to grip yourself into sticking with them, and by giving in to it, you are making getting rid of them even harder.
4. Don’t Go with Emotions.
Your emotions are the doorway to your thoughts. When they are able to see your emotions, they are able to see how they can control you. This will make you like an open book, helping them see your weaknesses and vulnerabilities.
So, it is good to work on regulating your emotions when you are in front of such people, keep a calm composure at all times, and don’t try to show in any way how you are feeling towards them. If you try to express that you are hurt by a certain thing, it will not make them stop hurting you because it was their incentive to hurt you and make you emotionally weak in the first place. So, rather than going all raw in front of them, stay neutral and indifferent to their words when you are in front of them.
5. Follow The “No Contact” Rule
An abusive relationship or even an abusive person in your circle is never good for your mental growth, and it is the biggest thing that affects your entire life. So, it’s better to end such a relationship.
Leaving an abusive relationship is not easy. So, once you have decided to leave them for good, it is essential to live by the No Contact Rule. Cutting off contact with the said abusive person will help you to move on better. As you decide not to see them or interact with them by any means (this also includes following their internet presence), you are helping yourself get closure.
They might try by all means to get your attention in one way or the other, but by cutting yourself off from them, you enable yourself to move on at a quicker pace. Block the contact, unfollow all of their circle, and don’t keep any memory of them that will haunt you later in life. It is no use to keep something with you that would only torture you emotionally and bring back all the bad memories.
6. Use Rationalization
Rationalization will help you see the bigger picture and see things for what they are and not what they appear to be. By using rationalization of their abusive remarks or actions, you can read between the lines and see things for what they are.
For example, if they try hurting you with a negative statement, try to look at the rational picture for it. What are they trying to convey to you? What is the incentive behind that expression? What is the end goal that they are trying to achieve? You will note that the answer will make you much resilient and help you disengage and cut off easily from them. This is something that reacting emotionally cannot get you.
7. Get Emotional Support From People You Trust
It is fine to admit that doing this all by yourself is not always the only option. So, don’t hesitate to find emotional support. Surround yourself with friends and family that you trust and share your problems and feelings with them. They will help you process your emotions.
That way, you will not have to depend on the abusive person emotionally, and you will be able to break ties more conveniently. You need to realize that this person is not the right person to go to or turn back when you get hurt. Otherwise, the cycle will continue, and you will not be able to get emotionally stable.
8. Practice Kindness
It is highly important to work on yourself as you go through the process of getting rid of a toxic relationship with an abusive person. These are tough times; you can feel like getting enraged and be merciless to people around you. You may feel like no one deserves the positive qualities you have in yourself. They find it as a success when they see you getting consumed and failing at life.
But by becoming a hard person like that, you only benefit the abuser. Becoming a toxic person like that abuser is the biggest risk of being around an abuser, which you must avoid.
The best way to deal with this will be to practice kindness during that tough phase of life. No matter how hard you find it, you need to extend your kindness to other people. You will feel more complacent and happier that way. Holding on to a grudge for the entire humanity will mean that you are generalizing things.
9. Be Patient With Yourself
It is also essential to practice patience as you cut off an abusive person from your life. This is important because it will take time to really do it and process your feelings about it. It will consume a lot of energy, and you would recognize that as soon as you do things with patience and resilience, you will find it easier to find the path of healing.
Healing from a toxic bond is not a linear process, and there will be many times when you find yourself getting emotionally unstable remembering the abusive bond. You might feel enraged or weak, or you might feel guilty. In that essence, it becomes important to hold yourself with patience and let your emotions flow.
So, now you know how to leave an abusive relationship.
These are some of the things you need to keep in mind when dealing with an abusive person and planning to cut them out of your life. It will require some planning, determination, and action with a lot of patience. For all this, you first have to work on yourself and look at the bigger picture so you can get out of the toxic relationship with the abuser safely.